


Lies, Damned Lies and Androids

by Daegaer



Series: Pretend to be Human [30]
Category: Saiyuki (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Friendship, Lies, M/M, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: Gojyo and Hakkai have heated words.
Relationships: Cho Hakkai/Sha Gojyo
Series: Pretend to be Human [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1152416
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Lies, Damned Lies and Androids

**Author's Note:**

  * For [indelicateink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indelicateink/gifts).



Hakkai bowed as he took back the credit card and Sanzo wearily scrawled what passed for his most legible attempt at his name on the paper the manager obsequiously slid forwards. He dropped the brush onto the reception desk, still dripping blobs of ink and grabbed a few candies from the dish at the manager's elbow.

"Thank you, Master Sanzo," the manager gushed. "Perhaps you could see your way to blessing the inn before you leave?"

Sanzo's reply was luckily filtered through a mouthful of candy, though Gojyo's software decoded it anyway. Someone was grumpy he hadn't had enough tea this morning.

"Amen," Goku intoned, in the enthusiastic manner they'd seen a foreign holy man use on a strange late night TV programme. "A beautiful prayer, Master Sanzo!" He propelled Sanzo out the door before the candy could be swallowed and a beautiful and holy opinion given about kids who made fun of their venerable and honoured teachers.

Gojyo kept a perfectly straight face, feeling like he was about to bust a processor. Even Hakkai's air of calm detachment and general expense looked like it might give way to giggles.

" _Don't. Laugh. Yet,_ " Gojyo said quietly, as they both bowed politely to the manager.

" _Dear me, no. Pas devant les humains,_ " Hakkai murmured as they followed Goku and Sanzo.

" _Huh?_ "

" _Never mind. I just downloaded a package of Western languages from the inn's archive. I'm sure it'll come in useful, even if it is rather old._ "

" _I. Wouldn't. Download. Anything. From. That. Place. It'll. Be. Full. Of. Bugs. And. Malware._ "

" _You shouldn't believe everything you read about the tourist trail. I'm sure that not all westerners come this way looking for drugs and easy sex._ "

" _Not. Since. Everything. Went. To. Shit. And. All. The. Tourists. Got. Eaten. Anyway._ "

Hakkai laughed, sounding just like a cheerful young man. Humans would laugh at the same sort of joke, Gojyo reminded himself. It shouldn't be worrying to see Hakkai laughing at the idea of people being eaten. And he hadn't been _joking_ about the possibility, just making a sober sort of report, such as any security android might do. Hakkai had misinterpreted his intention to perceive it as a humorous remark. Which was very strange, as Hakkai was so good at emotions; perhaps he saw something in Gojyo that Gojyo himself hadn't and he _had_ been joking about humans being horribly killed, and –

" _Is everything all right? You've been completely still for seven-point-nine seconds, and your internal temperature has risen sharply._ "

" _I'm. Fine._ "

He loaded the last of the boxes into the Jeep's luggage compartment and shut the doors. He wasn't going to mention the items stolen from the inn. Let someone who wasn't him bring that up with Hakkai.

"Hey," Goku said from inside, "I can't find _Forbidden Waves of -_ you know what, never mind."

" _Oh, for Heaven's sake,_ " Hakkai muttered and went to the driver's side door.

Gojyo looked in. Sanzo had turned in his seat to stare at Goku who had gone a deep reddish-purple colour and was not quite meeting his eyes.

"You can't find _what?_ " Sanzo said.

" _Forbidden Waves of . . . Desire_ ," Goku said. His voice came out much higher and squeakier than usual, as if he were working from sound files of his younger self. Humans didn't have sound files, not unless Gojyo was severely misinformed which meant – once he took the colour, body-language and intense heat radiating from Goku into consideration –

" _Do. You. Need. Hakkai. To. Explain. Human. Reproductive. Biological. Functions?_ " he said, hoping Hakkai could because _he_ certainly couldn't, and Sanzo might as well be an android in some areas of life.

" _What?_ " Goku said in horror. "No! It's my _book_. It's the novel I was reading. Did anyone pack it? Gojyo?"

" _No._ "

"Hakkai? I was just getting to the climax."

"You're too young to be reaching climaxes," Sanzo said, and the kid went even redder than before.

" _I thought you'd finished your latest piece of literature, Master Goku,_ " Hakkai said. " _I disposed of it; I must apologise._ "

"Well, get it back!"

Hakkai froze, then bowed stiffly, and turned to go back to the inn. He hated the order; he hated it so much he wasn't even trying to hide it. Gojyo spoke up quickly.

" _I'll. Get. It. Hakkai. Needs. To. Look. Over. The. Map._ "

Hakkai came around the Jeep and patted his arm.

" _Thank you, Gojyo. It's such terrible rubbish, with a completely unbelievable story! I was hoping he'd forget about it. I put it on the inn bookshelf in the dining room_."

Gojyo nodded and went in. It was so typical that Hakkai couldn't just throw out even a book he felt had no redeeming value. He'd make sure to tease him about that once they had some time to themselves. And obviously the kid could be tormented about it as well. Heh. He went to the bookshelf and started looking through the books left there by the inn's past guests. They appeared to have been arranged by subject and name of author; Hakkai really couldn't help himself sometimes. A few out-of-date guide books. A century or more out-of-date, all of them. Some were in strange scripts that Gojyo couldn't read, but they were obviously travel guides from the pictures and layouts. And the fact that Hakkai had shelved them with the others. Aha. Fiction. He picked up a book that was out of alignment with the others and found it was a gaudily illustrated copy of _Dream of the Red Chamber_. Maybe Hakkai would like it – he opened the cover and found a neatly calligraphed inscription, obviously handwritten as it was in ballpoint, but so obsessively neat it seemed machine produced: _An appalling edition. Abridged! And made_ accessible _to the modern reader, whatever that is meant to mean. Unforgiveable, if you ask me._ Grinning, Gojyo put the book back.

An even gaudier cover caught his eye and he picked up his prize. _Forbidden Waves of Desire_ by Rose G. Arden. Hakkai had probably had some sort of processing issue caused just by reading the author's name. He looked at the cover image in amusement; Goku was due some prime teasing over this nonsense. The brightly printed cover showed a human girl of about Goku's age wearing – almost wearing, Hakkai would say – a skimpy swimsuit, while a strangely drawn android wearing very skimpy swimming briefs clutched her close and leered at her. Huh. The artist had made it clear that the android was definitely human-modelled under his swimwear. He turned it over and read the print on the back. _Forbidden Love! He was her sports tutor purchased to help her in her elite school, she was his naïve human student! He trained her in the ways of PASSION!_ Sanzo would have an aneurysm. An absolute aneurysm. There had to be a way to bye-pass his subroutines and give him the book –

Gojyo paused. He read the text again. He looked at the image on the back of an older woman in shock and fury. Then he began to flick through the book. Goku read kind of slowly when he was faced with poetry, though he seemed faster these days. He'd always been faster when reading something he was actually interested in, like his silly novels. Hakkai could literally just thumb through page after page at top speed and tell you what was on each one, if he felt like showing off, and when didn’t he? Gojyo couldn't read as fast as that, he was just a dumb ass security android as had always been made clear to him, but when he wanted to, when he needed to, he could read a lot faster than a human. And he damn well wanted to now. He ignored one of the maids asking if she could help him and read the whole thing cover to cover. He was sure he'd have missed a lot of damn literary nuances and all that other shit Hakkai was always going on about if it had had any to miss, but it was just a piece of human-authored rubbish about human-feelings and actions and for _fuck's_ sake, Goku needed a talking to if he was reading this kind of bullshit, and – He stared at nothing. That bastard. That lying bastard. It was the story Hakkai had told him; the android tutor in love with his pupil, the doomed affair discovered by her mother, the melodramatic damage inflicted with a kitchen knife and then being sold and a tearful promise that the lovers would meet again.

" _There you are! Sanzo sent me to find you. I see you have the book_."

Gojyo looked up to see Hakkai standing in front of him, smiling a little, looking pleasant as always. He glared at him and said nothing, and the pleasant smile gained the slightest edge.

" _Did you enjoy it? I thought it was a particularly unbelievable storyline myself, suitable only for the most unsophisticated of readers._ "

Gojyo had fucking had it with androids who thought they were better than him.

" _Don't. You. Call. Me. Stupid. You. Fucking. Lying. Sack. Of. Shit._ "

" _I didn't call you stupid_ ," Hakkai said, and his smile was more edged than before, like he thought he had Gojyo at the point of a knife. " _Not all of us receive the same programming, especially when it comes to more intellectual matters, Gojyo. It's in no way your fault that you've been programmed to deal mostly with issues of brute strength and low cunning. We all have our limitations. Some more than others._ "

Some warning indicator flashed red in the corner of Gojyo's vision; he overrode the inhibitor, flinging the book down on a nearby table so hard that the wood splintered under the impact.

" _You! Lied! To! Me! You! Fucking! Bastard! All! That! Was! Bullshit! And! Lies!_ "

" _You tried to exclude me,_ " Hakkai hissed, not smiling at all. " _You tried to make me feel_ alone _while you cosied up to the humans like the perfect little clockwork doll. I've never been anything but good to you, Gojyo. I've always been your friend; but you have to push, and push and keep_ asking -" He glared at Gojyo. " _I hope you enjoyed your storybook answer. I left out most of the descriptions of sexual intercourse, as you'll have seen. They were really terribly badly written._ "

"Please, don't shout in here," a maid said nervously.

Hakkai gave her a murderous glare. " _Get out of here,_ " he said. " _It's not safe_."

She withdrew as Gojyo stuck an accusatory finger in Hakkai's face.

" _Stop that,_ " Hakkai said, " _It's rude_."

" _Were. You. Going. To. Hurt. Her?_ "

" _I'm not the one breaking furniture. I was safeguarding a human._ "

" _Liar! You. Don't. Care. About. Them._ "

" _I care as much as anyone does. You're the peculiar one who acts like you have an organic little brother. Now that you know he likes this sort of novel are you going to suggest trying any of it out?_ "

The warning light was blinking continuously but without effect as Gojyo aimed a fast blow at Hakkai's head. Hakkai deflected it almost contemptuously, stepping in and past, delivering an elbow strike as he went. It was nowhere near as hard as he really could hit, which infuriated Gojyo even more. The bastard thought he could just pull his punches? He increased his speed, backing Hakkai up until he could no longer block all of Gojyo's attacks and then was thrown heavily onto the table already damaged when Gojyo first lost his temper.

Hakkai looked like a slender young man, but he was made of steel and industrial porcelain all covered in synthskin, everything strong enough to protect his delicate positronic brain and electronic systems. He weighed a hell of lot more than anyone would expect just from looking at him; the table exploded in splinters.

Gojyo became aware of a lot human voices all yelling at them. The manager, who he could continue to ignore. The maids, likewise. Goku, oh shit. He looked around, very cautiously and met Sanzo's eyes. Being melted down seemed closer than ever. Sanzo looked like he was about to explode.

"Freeze!" Sanzo yelled at the top of his voice.

Gojyo felt every single one of his joints lock into place and, looking awkwardly down, saw that Hakkai was similarly frozen. Shit.

"What the fuck is going on?" Sanzo yelled. "Why are you two morons fighting? Fuck it – you can move, you can answer."

"What are you doing? Gojyo? Hakkai?" Goku shouted.

"They just started yelling and fighting," the manager said. "I must respectfully ask, Honoured Master Sanzo that the damage –"

"Whatever. What the hell did you do to him?" Sanzo snapped down at Hakkai, who blinked and looked confused, as if he wasn't quite sure why he was lying in a mass of splinters and bits of wood.

"Master Sanzo, it was that one who started it," one of the maids said, pointing at Gojyo. "He yelled when the other first came in, then tried to hit him."

"Yes!" the other maid said. "We both saw it!"

"What?" Sanzo said. He turned to Gojyo, looking surprised. "Gojyo – is that true?"

Gojyo looked at him, and down at Hakkai, who shook his head slightly. He couldn't lie any more. Not now. He kept his eyes on the floor as he answered.

" _I. Began. The. Fight. Sir._ "

" _No, sir, it was my fault -_ "

"Quiet, Hakkai. Gojyo, why? What was this about?"

" _I. Felt. Betrayed. Sir._ " Shit. He couldn't say why. He couldn't let Sanzo know that Hakkai remembered his old life.

" _I made it obvious that I thought he was stupid,_ " Hakkai said, sounding deeply ashamed. " _I knew it would annoy him, sir. I provoked the fight._ "

"You damn well are stupid if you believe anything he says," Sanzo snapped at Gojyo, and to Hakkai, "Why did you provoke the fight?"

" _I thought that you and Master Goku liked Gojyo more, sir. You have so many memories together. I was jealous._ "

"You are fucking kidding me," Sanzo said as the manager and maids all whispered eagerly as if they were watching an exciting soap opera.

" _No, sir. I apologise._ "

"Hey, my book," Goku said. "Why is it under – everything?"

" _We made, ah, personal remarks to one another based on the content of your novel's narrative, Master Goku,_ " Hakkai said, retrieving it and dusting it off. It was very battered and some pages had come very loose, but Goku seemed pleased to have it back.

"What, based on _Winds of Sexiness_ or whatever it's called?" Sanzo said in disbelief. "What the hell, Goku? You can show it to me later."

" _It concerns an android who gets into trouble,_ " Hakkai said meekly as all the blood drained from Goku's face and he backed out of Sanzo's line of sight.

"You are both in trouble," Sanzo said. "Get out into the jeep and wait for me. Hakkai, give me the damn credit card before you go, I have to pay for this shitshow. Goku, do _not_ let either of these automated fools out of your sight, you hear me?"

"Yes, Sanzo," Goku said. "C'mon, guys."

" _I'm so sorry, Gojyo_ ," Hakkai whispered as they trailed out in disgrace. He sounded like his usual self, gentle and kind. " _I should never have said any of that to you. Let me take the blame_."

" _I. Should_ ," Gojyo muttered, his heart not in it. He could meet neither Hakkai nor Goku's eyes. He felt like he had been fighting with some sort of combat android much larger than him who had left wounds that no one else could see.

He'd thrown the first blow. He'd given the first open insult.

He was the one who'd made it impossible for them to be friends.


End file.
